Heaven?
by Reminiscentia
Summary: After countless years of wondering about the fate of her friends in solitude, Hermione embarks on a quest through the physical Afterlife and through her own memories. What she finds is omething she never expected... RHrness included.
1. Athene

**Heaven?**

**Disclaimer:** I'm not JK Rowling, I don't work for Warner Brothers, and I don't do any black market deals that get me stolen goods from the set (or do I?) Anyhoo, it's not mine, so there!

**A/N:** This is just a little something I've been working on for quite some time now. If you have any objections to the death of any main characters, I suggest you stop here... because it's kind of about the "afterlife" so there's a _teensy _bit of death involved, lol. Anyhoo, it follows Hermione's quest through the afterlife and through her own memories. And there will be R/Hr-ness involved, so full speed ahead!

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**Heaven?**

**Chapter One: Athene**

The more I thought about it, the more I figured that things were better off the way they were. Not for me, but it was too late for me. For them.

They weren't real to me anymore. Just a distant memory of another place and time. They were the heroes of my dreams, but nothing more. Here, they didn't exist.

It was so painful, the day I left them. So painful that I couldn't bear to dream of it, let alone speak of it. I missed them terribly, with every fiber of my body. Nothing in this place could distract me. Not the rhythmic rush of the stream, or the warmth of the sun, or the perfection of it. It was so beautiful, and yet I could not decide whether it is heaven, or hell, or something entirely different from both.

Whatever it was, whatever it was meant to be, it was my greatest nemesis. And yet I didn't fight it. I thought of them and going back to them a million times a day, and yet I didn't even try. I amused myself with the thought they had forgotten me, and I desperately hoped they had. I told myself they were alive, that they never grieved, that they were happy. I'd said it out loud so many times that I almost believed it. Almost.

They would have hated it here. This place, whatever it really was, lacked the adventure and excitement that they craved. The danger, the adrenaline rush of life did not exist in this place. We lived in loneliness and sorrow in this place of everlasting light. I had never seen a spider here, Ron would love that. There was no fear; there would be peace for Harry. But no, they couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. I would rather have died a thousand times over again than see them here.

I was not alone here. There were many, but I knew none of them. No one I knew in my life was here. It was a relief, and at the same time, the thorn in my side. No, I had never seen my closest friends here. But it was an exceptionally large place, and I hadn't the heart to explore it, so they might have been here, somewhere. But I preferred to believe that they lived, or even if they had died, had gone to a much happier place than this. And yet every time I saw a shock of red hair, or shining green eyes, it seemed that my stilled heart began to beat again.

I imagined that they had gone on to do great things. Both of them. In my daydreams, I saw them happy. Married, with children, and homes, and the abundant happiness that I had always wanted for them. And for myself. But I knew the reality could not be like my vague images, the ones I created to comfort myself. Had Harry even fallen in love at all? He had so much more to worry about when I left him, and he was always scared to love. Scared to lose. And my leaving only aided in that fear. And Ron. What did he do without me? Who took care of him, made sure his work was done, his clothes matched, or that his head hadn't gotten just a little too big? I was the one to do that all of our adolescent years, but who did it now? Now that he was grown up, and had even more to worry about, and even more to forget?

Oh, I missed them. More than my books, more than the feeling of crisp, cool air in my lungs, more than warmth, or cold, or feeling altogether. I was lonely beyond imagination, and it was my loneliness that finally brought me to Athene.

I was walking, as I did often. Along the banks of a tiny stream that flowed from the Great River, from which I could not drink. Not that my body required water any longer. But it would have been so wonderful to feel the cool trickle of liquid rushing down my throat. The stream led me nowhere. I went in a circle, and yet, I never ended up in the same place. Afterlife can be strange like that, for it has no rules or reason.

It had been such a long time since I had seen another person, that at first, I didn't think she was one. The only people I ever thought of were Harry and Ron. And she surely didn't look like one of them. And it had been so long…

The calm of the stream soothed my anxiety as I followed its mind boggling path, and for the first time, the river led me somewhere new. There was a small ramshackle house by the bank. It was made of reeds and branches, and drift wood, but it looked surprisingly sturdy. Outside the door, an old woman leaned against the wall.

At least, she appeared old on first sight. I approached her, my old curiosity taking the best of me. I opened my mouth, wondering whether I still had speech. It had been countless years since I had spoken. "What…" I struggled to form the words in my mouth. Death was numbing, the afterlife had no pain, no temperature, no feeling. It was odd to speak without feeling the air on my lips, or anything at all. "What is this place?"

The woman lifted her head, which was framed by a mane of grey hair. Her face was old, but her eyes sparkled with youth.

She gave me a knowing smile. "Come closer to me, child." I took a few tentative steps forward. She reached out and grabbed my hand, but dropped it almost immediately, staring at me. "Life still flows in you." She muttered. "You left many things unfinished. You lost your greatest love…" I pulled away, staring at her.

"What do you mean?" I rubbed my hand protectively, furrowing my brows at the woman.

"You can still reach your goal… death has not fully taken its toll on you…"

"What are you talking about?" I cried.

"Follow the Great River." She instructed firmly.

"That never gets me anywhere." I grumbled, stepping away from her.

"Getting something accomplished in the Afterlife takes a little faith in the Unknown." chided the woman. "Follow the Great River."

"But--" I began to protest. This woman was obviously suffering some kind of mental breakdown from being holed up in this… whatever it was… for much too long.

"It's not as if you've got anything better to do." She snapped. "Or what, have do have tea planned with let's see…. Nobody?"

I raised my eyebrows, taken aback at her sudden spunk. "Who are you?" I demanded.

"I am called Athene, child." The woman replied, regaining her calm demeanor. "Now. Leave me here and take your first steps toward your quest. Follow the Great River." Athene repeated again.

I gave a frustrated sigh. "Why should I?"

"You are full of life." She said, shaking her head. "I've never met anyone here as stubborn as you. But let me tell you why," she added briskly. "If you loved at all in your last life… follow the Great River and find love again. Now, I'm leaving and you're on your own, you stubborn fool." With a curt nod of her head, Athene's body faded before my eyes.

That is how she left me to ponder her confusing advice.


	2. Returning to Myself

**A/N: **Thanks for my first official review, sexyface!**

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**Two: Returning to Myself**

In my life, there were very few people whose advice I truly took to heart. Of those people, only a handful were not authors of books who I had never met. And I tended to take at advice sparingly. Even from those whose opinion I respected. I was intelligent, I always reasoned, and capable of making my own decisions without others pressing their own thoughts upon me. I was not so different in my afterlife.

When Athene left me to my own devices, I gave a rebellios "Hmph!" and plopped down on the ground. I knew I was resting on something… but still felt as though I was floating, as was the way in this place. Who was she, to tell me what I could and could not do? Certainly seeing how nothing I did could affect the rest of my life… as I didn't actually have one anymore. Anger boiled up in me, sending a burst of feeling the likes of which I hadn't felt since… since I couldn't even remember. The wave of emotion sent a dozen memories rushing painfully into my mind's eye. I felt my spirit drift away… back to another time… another life.

_I was fifteen years old. My heart was pounding from the exhilaration of the Yule Ball. The dancing! The music! The everything! _

_I deliberately blocked my argument with Ron from my mind as Viktor and I climbed the stairs to the portrait hole entrance to the Gryffindor common room. I stopped him in a nearby corridor so we could say our goodbyes. "Thank you, Viktor." I said genuinely. "For everything. This was… this was lovely!" I was so happy. So happy to be noticed… to be cared about… Noticed and cared about by _**Viktor**_, I reminded myself, trying to forget the certain red head who had certainly noticed me as well. For the first time ever. _

_I successfully shoved the thought out of my consciousness and looked up at Viktor, my own features glowing as he smiled at me. _

"_I am glad you think so, Hermy-own-ninny!" he said jubilantly. He looked at me a moment, his expressions growing more timid. "I vould like to see you again." He confessed shyly. _

_I smiled. "I suppose…" I said as my smile grew wider, "That could definitely be arranged." I completed, looking up at him and beaming. _

"_Perfect." He replied in his gruff accent. _

"_Well…" I said, toying with a loose strand of my straightened hair, "I guess this is good night then."_

"_Yes, of course." He agreed sadly. He met my eyes, and with a swift movement, bent down and pressed his lips to mine. But it was over before it began. "Good night." he said quickly, a pink tint creeping into his cheeks._

"_Good night." I replied quietly. I turned and walked the last twenty feet to the common room, but it was a miracle I made it there, because I was paying no attention. My head was buzzing with confusion… for in that kiss I hadn't felt a single thing I'd expected to. In fact all I'd felt was… awkward. I sighed as I reached the portrait opening and scrambled through the door, wrinkling my fine dress robes as I did so. And there, standing before the door, nostrils flaring and red hair mussed all over his head was Ronald Weasley._

"_Suppose you and Vicky had a fine time then." He spat, throwing himself into a chair. _

"_Have you been waiting for me?" I inquired incredulously._

"_No!" Ron defended quickly. Too quickly._

"_You have!" I exclaimed, walking around the chair to face him._

"_Have not." Grumbled Ron._

"_You're acting like a child." _

"_Am not."_

_I groaned. "What's wrong with you, Ron?" I demanded. _

"_Me? What about you?" he stood and closed the space between, glaring down at me._

"_ME?" I cried. "What did I do, Ronald?" I put my hands on my hips and met his cobalt blue eyes defiantly. _

"_You know what you did." He hissed, stomping away from me. I grabbed his wrist before he could move out of my reach and swung him around. _

"_What on earth are you talking about?"_

"_You and Krum!" he bellowed. _

"_You're ridiculous." I said dismissively. _

"_You think so?" he sneered. I nodded, not taking my eyes from his. My lips were thinning in anger. The thought, '_What an idiot_' must have run across my mind a million times in that second of silence. "Well, I think you're betraying Harry!" he retorted. _

"_You're kidding." I said with a derisive laugh. "Betraying Harry? You make me sick." I turned on my heel and began to march toward the stairs to the girls' dormitory._

"_You make ME sick." Ron shot back. "You can't go out with VIKTOR KRUM!"_

_I swung around and glared daggers at Ron. Ron, in his too small, lacy, frayed, maroon dress-robes. The expression on his face betrayed his anger for jealousy, but that realization only made me angrier. "Well if you don't like it," I shrieked, "You know what the solution is, don't you?"_

"_Oh yeah? What's that?" Ron's freckled face got redder as he shouted._

"_Next time there's a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!" And with that, I turned and ran to the dormitory, hot anger burning in my veins._

I snapped out of my reverie and found myself temporarily blinded by the brilliant light streaming into my eyes. The unexpected return to my old self had been overwhelming. I could still feel every emotion that had rushed through me in those ten or fifteen minutes urning inside me… and I could feel! Such a thing it was to feel… I released a sigh and danced in circle, overwhelmed with the joy of having emotion again.

That silly argument rang in my ears and just to hear Ron's voice so clearly again was as good as breathing… as good as… I couldn't even find the words. I laughed and I smiled. I might have been there for hours… days... years, I wouldn't know. But however long it was, the realization came to me that perhaps Athene was right. Perhaps I owed her advice a chance after all.


End file.
